An Icky Tale

This is a story that is a little bit icky. It’s about a six or seven on the ewww scale (more if you don’t like spiders) so you are forewarned.
A few years ago I had a Sony TV that I had gotten second hand and it had begun to show signs that it was on its last legs. It was an older type model that had wood (or a reasonable facsimile of) all around it and a panel of buttons beside the screen. My brother coincidentally had bought the same TV many years before and had retired it to Bowen Island when he got a newer model. Both of these Sony’s had put on a lot of miles and had held up pretty well over the years. But mine was starting to get a little green and no amount of fiddling with the colours would fix it. The colours got worse and worse until one day the TV just went “bzzt” and the screen went dark. All that was left was one little white dot in the middle of the screen that eventually disappeared. I didn’t feel like going out and buying another TV if I could help it so I thought getting my brother’s old one from Bowen would solve the problem. The main problem was that these older units tended to weigh a ton and that made moving them a bit of a chore. Still, “Free” is always good. Also the remote control I had would work with the other TV so I wouldn’t have any trouble there. At the time we weren’t using the TV up at Bowen so it was just sitting on the floor in the basement. I headed up to take a look at it and bring it home.
It was there on the floor with the other extra furniture and extra stereos that were slowly making their way to oblivion. I looked it over and wiped away some dust and cobwebs. I should note here that the fact that it had a couple of cobwebs on it didn’t bother me as almost anything left up at Bowen gets a cobweb or two. In fact, the spiders pretty much rule the place when no one is there. I checked it to make sure that it worked and also peered inside as best I could to see if any spiders had set up home. As far as I could tell it looked clean. I’ve already told you this was an icky story so right there you know I was wrong.
I brought the TV home and set it up on my lovely Ikea home entertainment unit. It did weigh a ton and was a pain to get it up on the top shelf. I hooked everything up and it seemed to be working great. The colours were good, if a touch green, but it had life in it yet. I was happy that I had a TV back and I thought no more about it.
A couple of days later I was going through some CD’s on the stereo. I had pulled the stool over and was sitting on it while I went through all the songs. I was there for quite a few minutes, just going through track after track, right below the TV. That was when I saw a little spider crawling down the center of the entertainment unit. It was really tiny but it was lighter then the black paint and was moving so it stood out. I casually reached over and squished it. It was so small that it wasn’t too messy. I’m used to seeing spiders and other bugs, it just goes with the territory when you live in a basement suite. Then I noticed another spider a bit farther down. I squished it too. Then I saw another descending on a fine line of webbing right in front of the CD player. This seemed a little strange. One little spider wasn’t that odd, nor was two. But three was making me think. I looked closer at this third guy. He was tiny just like the other two. He looked like a baby. I looked down at the floor where I noticed a couple of other little spiders moving about. I squished them and looked around for more on the floor. Then I glanced upwards. Covering the entire front of the TV were what appeared to be a hundred tiny spiders. They were everywhere, floating on invisible strands of webbing, making their way around the TV like little rock climbers. I don’t remember but somehow in the next half second I made it across the room.
After I picked up the stool and got my rational mind thinking again (my first thought had been: “Flamethrower”) I went to squish one that had landed on the stereo and was making a run for it. I got him but bumped some of the delicate little strands of web. This sent a shockwave through the other lines and suddenly little spiders were plummeting and scattering like confetti, confetti with legs. I quickly realized that I would have to approach this delicately or they would all disappear on me and I would have a hundred new houseguests. I grabbed some tissue paper and began to slowly and carefully squish each little spider. Luckily they were so small because if they had been regular size then I really would’ve been hunting around for a flamethrower. I methodically squished them, one by one; being careful not to touch the grid of webs they were balancing and traveling about on. Even a small gust of wind from me moving about would set a dozen of them into the air and to the nearest surface where they would scurry away. I had a momentary feeling of remorse as I killed these baby arachnids but that passed as I remembered my rule:
Rule No.1 – All spiders and insects shall be allowed to live and go about their business provided they do not intrude upon or make themselves visible to me in any way. They are to stay in their designated areas. Failure to do so will meet with swift and harsh shoe justice.

I worked my way around the TV, starting with the spiders that were closest to escaping, then getting the ones that were not moving. While I was taking them out I was trying to figure out where they came from. I had looked over the TV so where were they hiding?
A couple of spiders managed to escape my tissue and made their way up my hand. I gently corralled them and sent them to spider heaven. (A place where I imagine there is a plethora of juicy fat, stupid insects) I grabbed more tissue and continued with my spider genocide. (Arachnocide?) The spiders had managed to get in the little holes that made up the speaker area and made it a challenge to kill them. On and on the carnage went until I became close to the end. I got the odd straggler and then was satisfied that I had managed to get them all. I checked the area and my DVD's and CD's to see if any of them had gotten away or if there were more I hadn't seen yet.
I looked around the TV to see if I could see where they came from. Maybe the warmth from the TV had woken them up. But as far as I could tell they didn’t come from the back or from inside the box. I lifted up the heavy thing, looked at the underneath and spotted something. Over on one side near the rubber leg of the TV was a little white quarter size patch of web. A nest or egg or whatever they call it. Crap. I had missed it. I suppose they had been waiting to hatch, they survived the move, and I provided them with a nice warm place to move into. The thing was, I was leaving to go away for a few days so if I hadn’t caught them when I did I would’ve returned to…well, frankly I don’t like to think about it too much. It gives me the willies.

On a related note, do you ever find yourself scratching when you watch shows or movies with spiders or bugs? Or even when you read about them? What’s up with that?